He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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