He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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