fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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