mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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