i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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