I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
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We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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