I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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