I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
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