hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
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we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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