yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize