he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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