i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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