well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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