I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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