Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize