IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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