So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
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I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
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The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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