literally had 100 drinks last night.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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