Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
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I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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