I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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