I seem to have left my pride at pride
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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