hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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