just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Never let your siblings swipe right.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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