Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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