I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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