I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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