I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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