My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize