i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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