please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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