Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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