I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
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It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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