is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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