i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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