Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
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