Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
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Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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