shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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