I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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