tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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