You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have tasted many bathrooms
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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