We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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