so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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