Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it hurts more in the daytime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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