they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
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orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You ate ashes out of my bong
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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