why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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