I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize