I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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