I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize