you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
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I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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