He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
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And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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