Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
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You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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